Dear moms of “normal kids”,
I am envious of you. You do not need to plan ahead or make special requests that make you feel like a burden to others. You don’t feel like avoiding events and gatherings because you don’t know the food situation. You don’t have to worry about it. You don’t get anxious that a playdate is going to involve surprise treats that your kids can’t have. You don’t have to have the feeling of being left out when your child isn’t invited to a party because of allergies or they are invited but they can’t enjoy the cake or cupcakes with their friends. You haven’t had to see the excitement when a cake is brought out and then the look of disappointment on their faces when they are told “You can’t eat that, it isn’t safe”. You haven’t had to spend enormous amounts of time and money trying to perfect safe substitutes in recipes. You haven’t had to feel awkward asking for menus beforehand so you can prepare similar-looking items for your kids to have at the event. Macaroni and cheese will be there? Well, my youngest would for sure want that there, so I better make some.
You haven’t had to feel isolated from social activities that involve food or feel like such a hassle to people needing the menu several days in advance instead of last minute because you need time to prepare. Let me tell you all social activities seem to involve food. You haven’t had to pray your child outgrows their allergies. You don’t get anxious or want to skip the potlucks, family events, or meals at someone’s house because you don’t know what will be served or what ingredients were used. You don’t know how emotionally rough holidays are. Parades…candy! Halloween… candy! thanksgiving….unsafe foods with wheat and eggs like crazy! Christmas cookies, gingerbread houses, and desserts… not safe! It is stressful deciding even to go. It will break your heart over and over again every time you go to a social event. Even having a safe alternative is upsetting if everyone gets something else. Yes, some people offer my girls a gluten-free Oreo in place of a delicious-looking decorated unicorn cupcake with sprinkles. Sorry you can’t have cake but here is a bowl of ice cream instead. While I appreciate the effort of providing something they can have, it is not the same and it is unfair they always feel left out, wishing they could have what everyone else is eating. Food allergies are not a choice. My girls are used to me saying “You can’t have that” “It isn’t safe“and “It has wheat or eggs” but it doesn’t make it any less sad that they understand now. It was brutal when they were younger and saw everyone else eat things they couldn’t and couldn’t comprehend why but the fact they are used to it now makes me even sadder. Or watching them have to give up the food they once loved and they know what it tastes like is just brutal.
I can’t even count the times my oldest has cried and asked me many times why God made her this way with food allergies and stomach problems. I have questioned “Why me? Why my girls? so many times, but now I am so grateful and here’s why…. I started reading nutrition labels. I realized how much stuff I cannot even pronounce is in food-like items. I can’t just go out in nature and find some of these ingredients. I learned about organic and GMOs and glyphosate. It was so eye-opening to learn about the quality and sourcing of foods. We don’t eat junk food (most of the time). Gluten-free prepacked food is even worse for you with all the preservatives it seems. I gluten-free loaf of bread lasts over 3 months!!! I was asked before “Well what do you do? Where do you eat out?….. We don’t eat out. My family and kids are so much healthier not eating processed junk. I feel sorry your kids are eating food that is not nourishing them. Fast food and prepackaged processed foods are not providing any nourishment. They are empty calories. We limit restaurants and fast food isn’t really an option. We pack lunches or eat before we go places. They would be eating cake and cookies with food dye, chemicals, and other disease and cancer-causing man-made products.
Is it a hassle for me to make safe food for my kids to take places? Yes, but I will tell you a little secret….I am kind of glad I have this excuse to keep my kids from eating the junk provided at most events. We would not be as healthy if my kids didn’t have food allergies. I wouldn’t have become so passionate about cooking whole, nutrient-dense natural food from God instead of food created in a lab and factory by man and machines. So yes, my kids are constantly left out and it is still frustrating going to social events, but now they are gaining so much more. More health, more knowledge about food and properly fueling their bodies for long-term health.
Sincerely,
A formerly resentful turned grateful food allergy mom